Tuesday, 18 February 2014


 **To Meghan and Ashee, the perfect example.**

Cats are the perfect lovers. They put up with your problems, they "take the love", and they will always love you unconditionally (as long as you feed them). Boyfriends (the most useless contraptions ever thought up) however, you give THEM food and the most satisfaction you get is a hearty "UGH".

Cats are CLEARLY the better options here. Sure, boyfriends can kiss you and hug you and then SAY they love you but that is their biggest flaw, the fact that they can talk. Cats cannot speak so they can (by extent) not directly lie to you (as in they may have half-killed a bird and put in your bed to see how you freak out when it flies out at your face, but they cannot tell you that they didn't so they are not really lying to you).

Cats, the SUPERIOR choice to boyfriends are inherently cuddly (they can't help it), sure boyfriends can cuddle too (but if they're not trying to get in to your pants at that point and time) will COMPLAIN if they don't like the movie you've chosen (almost all "chick flicks"). 
Cats will complain in their heads but again, they cannot tell you so they either just leave or because they love you they will suffer through it (meowing just doesn't get them anywhere anymore).

True, cats can be complete b**hes at times but they won't cheat on you because you pointed out ONE of their flaws to get back at you (when in the end all cheating does for guys is that they screw up the relationship and we break up with them and then they hate us eternally). Cats also won't try to kill themselves in front of you (backhanded reference to JOE).

Cats have to love you, they have no choice but to. So this means (because we are bigger than them) that we can kiss, hug, snuggle and make baby voices at them all we want and they CAN'T DO NOTHIN' 'BOUT IT!!!

By FAR the biggest flaw in the design of the boyfriend is the whole I'm-breaking-up-with-you-because-you-bore-me-now thing. Some USELESS phrases "the boyfriend" uses to get rid of you are: "It's not you, it's me" or "I think we need to take a break, you know so we can find ourselves again"  (you lost yourself? wow. we got a scholar right here everyone!) or the best one, "You're too good for me" (darn right I am)! Cats cannot break up with you (no matter how much they might want to).

Cats do not have unreasonable, unattainable life goals that they constantly lecture you on and all you can think is "STOP TALKING, STOP TALKING, STOP TALKING"! Cats may have unreasonable, unattainable life goals but we do not hear of them so it makes it perfectly ok (anyway, the biggest goal a cat will have in its life is "I want to sleep for a WHOLE DAY").

Overall, Cats are the SUPERIOR choice to boyfriends, (Just ask any cat, they will agree).

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